The birdie flew back to the nest

by Robyn Wright on August 8, 2014

in Living

Bird nest in hands

Well, as much as I knew that many kids return home to the nest after leaving, I did not think that would happen in my own nest. But it did. Not only that, but my baby bird brought a friend with him!

Hubby and I thought long and hard about this decision. We still are not sure if it is the right one, but when do any of us as parents feel 100% right about our tough decisions? T had been out of our house for about a year and he has really struggled to make it. He told us on many occasions though that he did feel he made the right decision on moving out and he has come to appreciate things so much more. Money has really been an issue for him though and the Bank of Mom only gives out so much money. He ended up living with his girlfriend and her parents. Through no fault of T’s that situation ended and they were left with no where to go, at least no where they could afford. So after much thought Hubby and I offered to let T and his girlfriend move in with us for a while. Never in a million years did I think I would be that parent who let her son and his girlfriend live with us. Never. But if I learned anything during these two decades of parenting is that you never know what life is going to throw at you and you just have to keep moving forward. T’s girlfriend, C, is sort of estranged from her family as well. It’s a tough situation.

What Hubby and I are hoping is that by letting them stay with us they can get their lives stabilized a bit to start. We have given them a firm exit date as well. While they stay with us they pay us “rent” but we are actually saving that money for them. This way when they are ready to leave again they will have a nice little nest egg saved up to start out again.

Along with the firm exit date and the money requirements we laid out a few other rules. Nothing really extreme. We expect them to both work. They are required to help out around the house, do their own laundry, and most of all, be respectful. It’s been just about a week since they moved in and so far things are going okay. It has been nice having family dinners with everyone and I feel like we are catching up with each other. They are respecting our boundaries and we are trying to respect theirs as well. It is nice having another girl in the house too, I’m not outnumbered now. It still is all new though also in learning this new balance as a parent in this new situation.

One thing I am sure of though is that my baby bird is still my baby bird and he always will be no matter how old he is. And no matter what I always have enough love for my son and now for the person he loves too. I am still worried about him and his future but a little less worried since I know where he is. Parenting is hard. Really hard. It does not matter how hard it gets though because it is still the best job I have ever had and I cannot imagine my world without my baby bird.

[signoff]

© 2014, Robyn Wright. All rights reserved.

Comments on this entry are closed.

{ 15 comments }

1 feathermaye August 8, 2014 at 5:26 pm

I’ve had to return to my mom’s nest a time or two as an adult, and had my own bird return home as well. When I moved back in with my mom, it was always just uncomfortable enough to keep me motivated to accomplish what I needed to and get back on my own–especially when I returned to her after my divorce with a 5 year old of my own. It was really hard to be a parent and a child all at the same time, if you can imagine. Only you and yours can determine the “hows” and “how long” of it all, and I hope you can maintain harmony along the way.

2 Robyn Wright August 16, 2014 at 4:54 pm

Thank you

3 SandyR August 8, 2014 at 8:21 pm

It’s hard. My son returned home for a while a few years ago. He’s in transition again…so far he hasn’t asked to come back YET.

4 Robyn Wright August 16, 2014 at 4:54 pm

I hope everything works out for him.

5 coupontammy August 8, 2014 at 10:08 pm

It sounds like you are doing what’s right for you and your family. I think it’s great that you put in place some general rules. I think we all have to just do the best we can do in that moment as parents. There are many times we do things as parents that we thought we would never do. Things change and so do our family situations. Good for you!

6 Robyn Wright August 16, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Yes, it is amazing how our feelings and thoughts on things change once we are actually in a certain situation as parents.

7 Jane m August 8, 2014 at 11:46 pm

Enjoy the time you all have together, time really does fly.

8 Robyn Wright August 16, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Thank you – I definitely am trying to enjoy the extra time I have again with him.

9 tannawings August 9, 2014 at 1:32 am

Mine moved back for a brief time too. The deal breaker for her I guess was that she wanted her boyfriend here and my rule was no marriage no sleeping in the same room. That was a big enough motivator for him that he got a second job. That second job would have saved them from the previous problem. They both learned that having 2 jobs isnt an impossible thing although tiresome it can be done. It took about a month and a half for them to save what they needed to move out – 2 weeks before their official move out date.

10 Robyn Wright August 16, 2014 at 4:56 pm

Hey I like that yours moved back out 2 weeks early!!!

11 Robin August 9, 2014 at 7:03 am

It sounds like you’re being really supportive. I personally have no problem with young people living together before marriage (as long as they’re respectful, as you said).
I hope thing keep working out for you all!

12 Robyn Wright August 16, 2014 at 4:57 pm

Thank you Robin. I generally do not have a problem with people living together, unmarried, but I generally think of that as people a bit older than my son and his girlfriend.

13 militaryfamof8 August 18, 2014 at 2:33 pm

My oldets will be 21 in 1 month, no matter how hard I trid; I couldn’t keep him in the nest lol. H moved back to California and is living with his Dad, who charges rent, utilities, food money and has housework chores. I was upset at first, but I do understand it taught him responsibility. I still secretly hope he will come back ;)

14 caysedai August 31, 2014 at 3:47 pm

My oldest is 21, and planning to be with her boyfriend in a few months. My youngest is 18 and off at college. Which leaves me wondering what to do with my living arrangements. Do I really need a 2- bedroom apartment? Currently, yes, as there will be times we’re all three together, at least until my oldest moves out. But what if things don’t work out for her with her boyfriend? I don’t know.

In your case, it sounds like you have a good plan for dealing with the situation, letting them still be adults and responsible for themselves.

Parenting is, indeed, hard.

15 Leslie J August 31, 2014 at 8:24 pm

They will always need you and you will always parent even when they are adults!

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