What I realized in therapy yesterday

by Robyn Wright on June 24, 2015

in Living

What I realized in therapy yesterday...  |  RobynsOnlineWorld.com

Most of you know I am a big believer in therapy. My family and I have been seeing one for quite some time. We started going as a family for my son when he was little and went both as a family, just him, sometimes son and I, sometimes Hubby and son. Our current therapist (there have been several over the years) is my favorite. Therapy can be really hard, but in a good way. She is the one who told us that we cannot fix the family “system” unless we work on our individual “stuff” first.

Many of my friends have tried therapy but have been disappointed that it just seems like venting to someone about their problems. This is not the right kind of therapy in my opinion. My therapist really helps me dig dip and find out about the trauma that I have in me. Trauma does not have to be something super terrible like being abused though either – I did not suffer from that, but everyone has some sort of trauma that impacts them as adults.

Yesterday at therapy was one of those days that we didn’t go super deep, but I had a revelation while I was there. Now my revelation is something that my therapist has been telling me for a while, but it takes time for our minds to wrap our heads around things and really get it. I was finally able to really understand that the defensive systems I have in place, while they may not be great for everything, really have done a great job of protecting me from pain over the years. When I leave therapy I always sit in my car for a few minutes and kind of go over the session in my head. Yesterday, as I did this reflection I found myself thanking all of those defensive systems I have in place for protecting me all these years. They did exactly what I needed because that was the best way I had to cope with things and not allow myself to be hurt over and over again. Some of them keep people out, some of them caused my overeating, some of them were the reason I am so prideful. Those may seem negative, and can be, but they really are what helped me cope over the years. I am going to try daily to thank those pieces of me for doing such a great job but also let them know that it is okay to step aside a bit now and let me feel some of that pain so that I can find healthier ways to cope with things and deal with them rather than avoiding them.

Just writing that makes me breathe a sigh of relief even.

In therapy she tells me that all parts of me are welcome there and are safe. This sounds simple, but it really is hard to get that to sink in. I’ve come a long way in doing that in my sessions with her, but I have further to go and I think yesterday’s session is going to help me keep moving forward with this.

One other thing I realized yesterday is what a big part humiliation plays in my “stuff”. This is the part I am going to really start digging deeper on in my sessions. Most of you that know me may think that I am not easily humiliated – and by general, everyday stuff I’m not. But, there is some much deeper stuff in there. This is what I will work on.

Why am I sharing all of this with you? A couple of reasons. The first being that I find it helpful for me to get these words out. I share a lot online and am not embarrassed by doing so. I still have ultimate control on what I put out there which makes it easier. I’ve shared my weight loss with you all, my struggles in being the wife of someone with bipolar, the mom to someone with bipolar, my own struggles with depression, and I’m sure a few other things over the years. While it may seem a lot for some of you, again I have control on how much I share. Another reason for me to share is the support I get from everyone. It is amazing how much a virtual {{HUGS}} or a message saying simply, “I understand” can feel even over the internet. I love you all so much for being able to do that for me. Finally, the other reason I share is because I know how much it helps when others share experiences they have gone through that I can connect with. It makes me feel not so alone and that I am not the only one dealing with these things. There is strength in this beyond words.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and listening to my story. I appreciate all of your support and I hope that something I have said can help you in some small way.

[signoff]

© 2015, Robyn Wright. All rights reserved.

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{ 16 comments }

1 Natalie J. Vandenberghe June 24, 2015 at 8:23 pm

I may want the name of your therapist…Thank you for sharing.

2 Robyn Wright June 25, 2015 at 10:38 am

Good therapists are hard to come by for sure!

3 tannawings June 24, 2015 at 9:46 pm

You know what? I love you too. I may never ever get to meet you in person, but over the years of following you it is like I have known you and your family. You are like a friend far away that I know is only really a keyboard stroke away.Thank YOU for always being around, for taking your time to help, to respond or post your corny (OK some are pretty darn good ) jokes. You have often given me a smile when I needed it the most.

4 Robyn Wright June 25, 2015 at 10:39 am

{{{HUGS}}} I agree – I consider you my friend even though we have never met in person. Hopefully someday we will though!

5 Dawn Schamp-Monzu June 25, 2015 at 3:14 am

Robyn, I hope you know how much we (your readers/friends) appreciate you sharing these personal things. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in my struggles with my weight & depression. It also makes me want to go & talk to someone! I’m very glad that it helps you to write out your struggles, and your victories. I know I will continue to read your blog and be your friend. Thank you for being so brave & letting us into your life! God bless!

6 Robyn Wright June 25, 2015 at 10:40 am

You definitely are not alone Dawn! So many of us have similar struggles in this life. I hope that you do consider going to therapy, it really makes a huge difference in life! {{{HUGS}}}

7 ginette4 June 25, 2015 at 7:05 am

I find it hard to share with others. I’m seeing a specialist for my depression and I don’t get it..talking to someone about what I’m going through doesn’t help me in any way..my issues are still there..I’m happy for people that can share and that it helps them..for me it isn’t. Another great post Robyn, thanks for sharing

8 Robyn Wright June 25, 2015 at 10:41 am

Sharing is very hard – we all have shame and it is hard to put it out there for others. Just talking about it isn’t always enough, a good therapist will give you tools to really help you work thru your stuff. I’m glad you liked the post :-)

9 Cathy Bradford June 25, 2015 at 8:46 am

So proud of you Robyn, thank you so much for sharing with us! (Big Hug)

10 Robyn Wright June 25, 2015 at 10:42 am

Thank you Cathy!!!!

11 Julie Wood June 25, 2015 at 10:11 am

I think that it is so good to get therapy and I have gotten therapy in helping me to deal with the abuse I suffered as a child. We all have ways of coping with trauma, and I agree with the defensive systems that we have in place. I know that my defensive systems have kept me from getting hurt in the past. Thanks for sharing your story with your readers! You really helped me with sharing this today!!

12 Robyn Wright June 25, 2015 at 10:43 am

You just totally made my day by saying this post helped you today Julie!!!!! I’m glad that you have had some therapy to help with the abuse you suffered – it is terrible that any child should have to have that. You deserved more than that – you are a wonderful person and you should have been treated with respect. {{{HUGS}}}

13 Julie Wood June 25, 2015 at 10:51 am

Thanks so much!

14 GlArthy July 5, 2015 at 9:42 pm

Robyn, I’m not here on a daily basis but when I do stop by it is to read whatever you have to offer. I just played your game but also could not go without letting you know that you are loved and it is always a joy to extend a hand of virtual hugs. We love you too!

15 Monique July 25, 2015 at 10:57 am

Thank you for sharing. It’s good to see that you can let us into your life. This is why I like reading your posts. You are a great person with a big heart. You are loved by many! Reading this post made me cry. I don’t think of bloggers as human…they are just bloggers thst give away things. But this made me take a deeper look into my thoughts. We are all humans. We all have good and bad days. Bloggers are human. I needed to read this. Thank you for the post. I needed this reality check.

16 michelle matta July 31, 2015 at 2:15 pm

I see a psychologist for anxiety, and only for the past couple years. I struggle with the same thing others say where I feel like mostly I just talk and he says ‘ok’ and I leave. However, I do believe its a good tool… or I have to believe that now that I have this crippling anxiety. I am still trying to learn how to get the most out of it. I also have long known that journalling and writing your thoughts in any way (even if not public like your blog) is helpful. As is exercise, prayer (in a similar way to journalling). You honour your readers by trusting us with your story. Thanks, and hope you always feel supported.

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